My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
