sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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