Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
