he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
