I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
