Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
