At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
