my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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