and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
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I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
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He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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