I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
What a dumb baby whore.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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