he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
