thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
