I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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