im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
