your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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