In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
