I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
So vagazzling was a success
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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