She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
