I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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