I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
