I want to have your abortion
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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