I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?