Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks. http://tfl.nu/2y97
  Replies (29) Good night (1408) Bad night (2162)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy. http://tfl.nu/r33s
  Replies (15) Good night (3200) Bad night (892)
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her http://tfl.nu/1b2q
  Replies (22) Good night (1188) Bad night (8384)
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes http://tfl.nu/46zk
  Replies (9) Good night (775) Bad night (2821)
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road. http://tfl.nu/ry0e
  Replies (7) Good night (3262) Bad night (1310)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants. http://tfl.nu/3mi5
  Replies (4) Good night (2097) Bad night (751)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years http://tfl.nu/zb6z
  Replies (7) Good night (955) Bad night (1220)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect. http://tfl.nu/ksxu
  Replies (2) Good night (463) Bad night (1114)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives http://tfl.nu/psy5
  Replies (4) Good night (427) Bad night (614)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?" http://tfl.nu/t0nn
  Replies (2) Good night (580) Bad night (335)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which. http://tfl.nu/ypuq
  Replies (2) Good night (669) Bad night (301)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing. http://tfl.nu/syuf
  Replies (3) Good night (455) Bad night (759)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome. http://tfl.nu/9r5o
  Replies (5) Good night (267) Bad night (568)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION http://tfl.nu/40f3
  Replies (1) Good night (240) Bad night (627)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success. http://tfl.nu/jez0
  Replies (1) Good night (202) Bad night (364)

Randomize