So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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