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yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
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