i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.