Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
