puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
