Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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