'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
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