SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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