...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
