im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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