We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
