Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Randomize
