i would punch a child for taco bell
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
