You made me cry and you don't even care
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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