Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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