dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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