You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
