Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize