oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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