Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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