just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
