11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
