I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
