she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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