We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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