You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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