I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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