May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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