my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
