My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
