She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
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