Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
