I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
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Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
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Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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