There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
