This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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