I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
