He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
