yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
