Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
