In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
