I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize