I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
