I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
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