I'm sorry my penis didn't work
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
