may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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