Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
