you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
