I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
