Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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