dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
