why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
