the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
