took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
and she was petting her beer can
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I can't turn off my feet"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
