I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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