someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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