some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
