i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
