I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
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like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
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Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Can you bring me the toilet please
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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