Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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