Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
