dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
