do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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