Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
