You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize