What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
